On the most recent episode of The Entertainment Dome, I opened it up with a monologue about Masahiro Sakurai announcing that Piranha Plant would be a playable character in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. It was just something silly I came up with and I figured I may as well upload it here as well for you to read since I’m kind of low-key proud of it. So enjoy a very over-dramatic interpretation of the announcement.

…

The act of murder has never impressed me.
It’s just so boring.
So easy.
There are too many ways to destroy a body.
To rid someone of their life.
You want to know what’s difficult to kill?
The soul.
The spirit.
The dream.
To be able to accomplish such a feat would require more than a sharp blade or a loaded gun.
Can you imagine it?
I can, for I have seen it.
I have done it.

The huddled masses come to me in droves.
Millions of bleating sheep, with their ideas, their wishes, their demands.
Many, armed with nothing but venomous words, threaten me, believing themselves to be more than angry children.
They are like mice squeaking at a storm that could rattle the very heavens and bring the kingdom of gods crumbling down on the world.

Others, just as plentiful, merely fall to their knees, pleading, begging, grovelling.
They offer platitudes, praise, even their very beings, as if they’re worth something, when they are more like disposable trinkets that could so easily be thrown away.
Just specks of dust on the wind.
An army of hopeless and lost souls who seek meaning, forever bombarding me with names both familiar and unfamiliar.
They believe I can grant them their justification for living.
They believe I can give them the light in the darkness.
They believe such a simple act will prove the world is more than the dark, desolate and cruel thing that it is.
They believe that I am merciful.

And so, like a doting parent, I reach down to them.
I caress their cheeks and pull them in for a warm, loving embrace.
I put my lips to their ears and I whisper.
I whisper the words that cause such pain.
The words that shatter them.
The words that extinguish the little flame of hope they had left.
The words that show how small they truly are.

“Piranha Plant is a playable character.”

Masahiro Sakurai
November 1^st 2018
The Day Dreams Died